Trip to the West - July 13th

Day 9 – I was on unhappy bird when I woke up in the morning. My dreams were filled will unbathed-in waters, unsoared-at cliffs, unsniffed chipmunks. I’ll show them, these humans called “Ellen, Kathy and John”. The wrath of nature will descend upon them. Come, my fine-feathered friends! No sounds of wings flapping. Fine. Come crashing down from cliffs on high, oh Mother Earth! A car went whizzing by on the road outside the campground. Mother Nature, are you there? Silence. FINE!! I’ll call back later. But I ask you to smite these stupid humans! Soon I got in the car (OK, fine! I was put in the car) and off we went to Bryce Canyon.

But before Bryce Canyon, we went through Red Rock Canyon.

And they meant red! If the sun had been out in full force, we would’ve been blinded by the bluffs! I even got to peck at a tunnel! But we had a canyon named Bruce to envision, so no dawdling for us!

John had been waxing poetic about Bryce Canyon, saying how wonderful it would be.

He could only hope it was a pretty as Zion. I gave him the evil eye. I hope your eyes get struck lighting, I thought as we came to the canyon‘s edge. Nothing to see here – just some trees and some red rocks. Then we rounded the corner. It was like a tie-dye T-shirt had exploded in the canyon. All sorts of crazy rock formations and shades or red and orange filled the vista. Ellen decided to hike a trail into the bottom of the canyon for just a few minutes. Two hours later, she was regaling us with tales of rocks down below. It was glorious day. And there was more of the rim to see!

Next was a natural rock bridge. I tried to squeeze into it, but my wing was too big.

Then we went to Ponderosa Point, where I met up with Crazy Crandall Crow. He wasn’t very talkative; I think he was exhausted from his long flight. I told him to say “Hi” to the murder.

Finally, after driving through some ice pellets (John said it was hail, but I thought the whole was just like heaven), we stopped for one last photo. Ellen was the only one around, which was good, since she is my favorite. The red dress at Sven’s place did it for me! BAWK-BAWK!

After lusting after Wanda, we headed back to camp. I was a much happier chicken after my excursion to Bryce Canyon. They actually included me! And the cared so much, they surprised me with a pond in the tent for me. How sweet! Wait! Why are you getting rid of the water? Stop the bucket brigade! Well, they didn’t stop. At least they didn’t throw me out with the tent water. Sweet dreams, Mother Nature, I thought as I drifted off to sleep. You can be nice to them now.

Trip to the West – July 12th

Day 8 - Today was a glorious day. I woke up to the birds singing, the sun shining, and the humans cooperating with each other. Harmony in nature is such a great thing! According to John, we’re going to visit Zion National Park today. Apparently there are lots of rocks and rivers and trees. I love rocks and rivers and trees! These are a few of my favorite things. I could hardly wait to fly amongst the fauna of an awesome National Park. And I’m still waiting … GRRR!

I thought for sure I was going to get a grand tour of Zion. I had my picture taken with the park sign and then I saw sky for as far as my little eyes could see.






The rocks were sculptured in weird designs with colors seeping through to create a rainbow effect in the cliffs. Water seemed to be dripping from everywhere, and the Virgin River was shadowing us on our way to the visitor center. John parked the car. Then he and Ellen and Kathy left. Without me! I bawked and crowed and cried for them to come back, but they were gone. Apparently I would be stuck in my mobile prison. If I had the ability to reach the pedal, I would’ve hotwired the car and left them like they left me! How incredibly rude of them! I wanted to bathe in the western waters. I wanted to soar high amongst the cliffs. I wanted to sniff the chipmunks. But apparently I was stuck in this metal contraption they call a car. I was amazed that I didn’t get dehydrated because they didn’t leave me any water. Time kept on ticking, ticking, ticking … into the future. A future where John, Ellen and Kathy were punished for leaving me in the car. I had an elaborate murder scheme planned, but they returned before I could whittle the seatbelt into a shiv. I gave them the stinkeye for the rest of the day, but they ignored me. If they do that tomorrow, I’m flying the coop. I wonder what the Pacific Ocean looks like? My dreams that night involved death, John, and a vat of oil. I slept well.

JOHN WELLS NEEDS TO UPDATE THE TRIP OUT WEST NOW!!!

Fleeing the Country

I know you haven't heard much from me (Polly Pork).  I've tried to lay low for the last few months.  Lucky Duck and I have been hanging at Sven and Risa's trying to stay out of trouble.  It seems to follow us wherever we go.  Their place was getting a little crowded for our taste.  They have adopted a kitten and boy is he feisty, and has a taste for pork, and duck.  So we are on the run again.  The Fuzz were sniffing around the other day anyway so we knew it was time to scram.  We decided it would be a good idea to split up.  I'm headed to Europe with a friend of a friend.  I don't think the accommodations are going to be that great, something about shoving me into a backpack.  I did hear rumors that we are visiting France, Vienna, Germany and Switzerland.  I'm sure I'll have some great stories to report when I get back.  As for Lucky, sounds like he's going to try to make it to South America, we'll see how good the La Migra (border patrol agents) are in sunny California.    

Trip to the West – July 11th

Day 7 – The freeze is still on. Hopefully as we go towards the desert in Utah, someone will thaw out. It’s quiet in the car, which is normally good, but it’s still tense. My blood pressure can’t take it. I seriously hope they make up.

At least the scenery is awesome. Lots of open sky for me to fly in. Buttes and mesas and scrub brush on both sides of the road. I haven’t seen any of my buzzard or vulture cousins, but it’s definitely the area for their kind.

Ah … Utah. Basically the same as Arizona. Where are we stopping at again? Glendale, UT? Where is that? Oh, right here. Man this KOA is in the middle of nowhere. Why are we staying here again? Oh, yes. Because it’s half way between Zion N.P and Bryce Canyon N.P. That makes sense (I guess). And would you know it? We actually got to camp at a decent time. Which means we’re able to relax. And apparently thaw out, because now Kathy and John are talking again. It only took a plastic knife to John’s forearm to cut through the tension. Humans and their emotions …

Well, the tent is now less frigid and cozier (and louder, what with John’s snoring). This was a travel day, so nothing really happened. Which is good. I can’t take any more excitement for one trip. And hopefully Kathy and John play nice (my claws are crossed). Tomorrow we go to Zion N.P. Hopefully it will fun. YEAH!!!!

Trip to the West – July 10th

Day 6 – Well, the Grand Canyon freeze is here is full force! Kathy and John are acting like high schoolers and are talking through Ellen, who is beside herself being the buffer. Man, this will be a fun day!

Actually, it was. We basically walked around the rim of the Canyon. Kathy was on her own, so I was wandering with Ellen and John. I did get close to the edge one time (I was only holding on by a wing).

And I’m not a fuddy-duddy, but I did have a stick up my arse for part of the time. You would think that Ellen and John would know better? But no.

I was even an international celebrity as I posed for a Japanese couple. Please take me with you! I squawked at them. These Americans are squabbling and putting sticks up my as*. Apparently they didn’t understand me because they kept walking. Must be the language barrier.

Most of the day was spent walking along the rim. We did stop for a ranger-led lecture on the rim, and while there, one of the condors came flying by. I waved hello to him but he just kept on flying. Snob!

After a full day of visiting the shops, stores, restaurants and building along the rim, we decided we had enough and went back to the tent. Eventually I fell asleep, despite the cold. And the silence. Maybe tomorrow they’ll act like adults?

New post

Benny - YOU POSTED!!
John - Yes, I did. I thought I should finish the trip out West that we took this summer.
Benny - Who told you to do that?
John - No one. I did it on my own.
Benny - LIAR!!
John - Prove it.
Benny - Chris told me that he was going to torment you forever and a day if you didn't post something.
John - He did not. It was just for forever. No days were mentioned.
Benny - Oh, but they were ... to me (evil chicken cackle).
John - You're one disturbed chicken.
Benny - And your point is?
John - Nothing. I'm just stating a fact.

Trip out West – July 9th

Day 5 – Today was going to be a fun day. According to John, we’re going to go to the Grand Canyon. I’ve heard there are lots of condors there, so I am totally looking forward to it. Of course, I would fly myself, but why do that when you have a human chauffeur that’ll drive you wherever you want to go. Onward, westward, Jeeves!

Our first stop: Four Corners National Monument. Apparently there is only one place in the US where 4 states intersect, and where going there. How exciting! Thankfully they woke me up before we got there; I wouldn’t want to miss this exciting sight! OK, it wasn’t that bad. At least I got my picture taken in 4 states – at the SAME TIME!! My left wing was on Arizona, my right wing was on Utah, my claws were on New Mexico and my beak was on Colorado. Or something like that …

After the exciting Four Corners stop, we took a left turn towards Albuquerque, N.M. We didn’t quite get there, and instead headed towards the Painted Desert N.M. It was very cool, but very dry. My little body was parched. I went looking for a watering hole and instead ran into a dinosaur! I tried running away, but he captured me in his jaws!

I struggled to break free, and eventually I was able to fly away from his clutches.

I hope I don’t run into any more of them … they were vicioius!

We kept heading west, but eventually headed north toward the Grand Canyon. As we set up camp, I could smell the condors from a distance. Eventually I’ll see you my far-flung, feathered friends! But first we have to eat, take some sunset pictures and then sleep. Which we did, with a little bit of drama thrown in for good measure. (Why John and Kathy couldn’t just get along was beside me. I don’t even remember what they were fighting about; it was that stupid. Humans … they just don’t get it).

Well, it’s off to bed. The tent was a tense jumble of emotions so thick you could cut with a knife, but thankfully I was above it all (literally – my cot was at the top of the tent). Hopefully tomorrow is better!

Benny and Julie in Australia

Sorry for the delay in updating the blog! Here's the latest I e-mail I got from my sister:

Hi Brother, Just thought I'd let you know me and Benny are doing just fine in Oz land. After much flying around and getting delayed in UAE, we arrived in Cairns a few days ago. We are now in Adelaid about to go on a three day/two night trip to Kangaroo Island. I sent a few pictures to show you he is fine. You will have to invite me to participate in his blog again as I thought I'd already signed up, but when i checked, it had expired. Anyways, the weather is gorgeous and I'm trying to get rid of a sinus cold. I have a Australian paper with Obama on the front and everyone asks me what I think about it. Well take care and don't forget to add me to the Blog again. Talk to you later, Love Julie (Benny said hi and you'd better not have touched his stuff) whatever that means.

And here are the (3) pictures she sent me:

Below is on Camp Arifjon in Kuwait

My sister has access to the blog, so hopefully she'll post something soon! If she sends any pictures my way, I'll post them. And I'll continue with the trip posts, too.

Benny arrives in Afghanistan!

John shipped Benny off to his sister in Afghanistan on Saturday, Sept. 13th. Here are some pictures of the sending off party:






And my sister just confirmed that she received him yesteday. Here's her e-mail to John:





Hi Brother, I want you to know that Benny arrived today, in a record 8 days!! I took his picture right out of the box since he was a little weak after no food for 8 days. Almost, as some of my cookies had been eatin but I forgive him. He helped me put on that hideous puke yellow thing. The welcoming party showed up after that so I took a picture of their first meeting. You had a kiss from Texas, a frog from NY, a cat named max who was shy, a rat named it who wasn't sure about benny and vice versa and some others. One or two more were missing and I'm told he'll meet them later. Well, I've got to go. This is a huge picture so i'll send more later. Love, Julie

Here's a picture she took:

I will keep you updated with any other pictures she sends me of Benny from Afghanistan. In the mean time, Benny threatened to sick the "Animal Mob" on me if I didn't continue updating the vacation he took this summer. I'll get on that this weekend, since he's making friends in a war zone!

On The Lamb

A couple of Benny’s friends from the barnyard stopped by today. They were sad he was not around and that he was heading off to Afghanistan.  They were very well behaved for barnyard folk.  Their names were Polly Pork and Lucky Ducky.  They said they were on the lamb for disposing of Leo Lamb.  I tell you I got a chill down my spine when they told that to me.  I am a little freaked out that I let Benny stay with us and from what I gather Benny was a key participant in the disposal of Leo.  Good luck John!  I hope you have not set him off by not feeding him and making him sleep in a box. Polly said that Leo would steal Benny’s food and shove him into small places for fun. I would keep one eye open while you sleep.

Phone call from Benny

I got a frantic phone call from Benny yesterday.  There was a lot of clucking but what I got was that John was not feeding him so he would not weigh so much when John shipped him off to Afghanistan So John did not have to pay so much and he is being forced to sleep in the box he is going to be shipped in.  I have insured Benny John will be taken care of! I Vill deal Vith John in an unpleasant Vay!

                                                                   SVEN!

                                                               

I don't wanna!

John - I'm sorry, Benny, but I'm really too tired to write about your trip tonight.
Benny - And why not? What have you been doing all night?
John - Well, I watched The Weather Channel, then I watched a documentary about 9/11, and then I watched The Weather Channel again.
Benny - So you did nothing fruitful, then?
John - I found out that Galveston is going to be under a lot of water tomorrow night.
Benny - (glares at John)
John - And I remembered how scary 9/11 was.
Benny - (glares with red eyes at John)
John - I'm tired. I'm going to bed.
Benny - (glares with red eyes at John and then pecks on right hand): WRITE NOW!
John - You can't make me!
Benny - (glares with red eyes at John and then pecks on left hand): WRITE NOW!!
John - Man, you're worse than the Daleks! At least they had more emotion!
Benny - WRITE NOW! WRITE NOW!!
John - Later on today. I promise.
Benny - (glares with red eyes at John and pecks at left and right hand): I have my eyes on you. If you don't get any more of my story written, I'm giving permission to Chris and Kathy to chastise, berate, chide, belittle, torment, and ridicule you until you write my story. Capishe?
John - Yes, El Pollo Capitan!
Benny - (glares with red eyes even after the light is turned off, enhancing his creepiness)

Nazi Chicken - continued

Benny: Good job, John! You got one of the trips done! Only 2 more to go! And one of them is a “day” trip!
John: My arm hurts! I’ve been typing forever! Can I get up and get something to drink or eat?
Benny: (in German accent) Nein! You vill finish dee stories! Mein tales moost be extolled!
John: You really are a Nazi, aren’t you?
Benny: Jawohl! Now WRITE! (scary red eyes still glowing)
John: Yes, Mein Commandant Chicken!

My weekend with Anya, Calvin, Ryan and other "larger" people! - August 10th

Day 3 - Today is our last day with the Kufner's. We have to head to more southerly climes before the cool winter breezes blow. (Hey, you can never plan too early). But before we go home, we decided to go to a park. And what a fun park it was! It had monkey bars and a sand pit. I tried out the monkey bars:






I think I'll stick to flying. Doing the monkey bars was very exhausting.!

Then I watched Calvin playing in the sandpit. I thought he might find something exciting, like a corn cob or a pile of hay, so I joined him in his hunt for buried treasure.




Yes, that is me with the bucket and shovel. If John only knew how to take a picture! And he even got my bad side! Oh, well. I didn't find anything worth photographing -- just a bunch of sand!


Well, Michelle (our driver for the day) had to drop us off and then head to her home in Rantoul, so we left right around lunchtime. Again, I did not get fed (although I think Chicken Nuggets were eaten by Calvin and Anya. Why would they do that to my species? Why? They were so nice to me on this trip and then they go and eat Cousin Nuggie. How sad). I helped Michelle with her driving by being a "dashboard driver"





OK, so I didn't do so much as "drive" as I kept an eye on the kids (and John). We made it home fine and went straight to my room. I'd had enough of John to last a while, if you know what I mean.


All in all, the trip up north was fine. A little cool for my tastes, not enough stops at barns and corn silos, but the trip to the zoo was awesome! I look forward to that again! I wonder where my next journey takes me?

My weekend with Anya, Calvin, Ryan and other "larger" people! - August 9th

Day 2 - Today, I was up with the birds (that pun never gets old!). They actually fed me breakfast today! I got pancakes, and man were they good.






Today we're going to go to the RenFaire. From what I understand, there will be lots of people in costumes and tons of barnyard animals running around. I can't wait to see them all!



When we got there, we went in. At least, that's what I gathered. John had me stuck in his pocket all day! (And yes, it really was a chicken in his pocket, despite what some people said!) Thankfully, I was "let out" to play with Anna and Calvin around lunchtime. My aeronautical acrobatics were very impressive! Yes, I had help from the young 'uns, but it was still a lot of fun!






After that, I was so exhausted that I was excited to go back in John's pocket. At least I would have some shade!



We went back to Greg and Jen's place in the mid-afternoon. They took pictures of the children (which was an experience, from what I understand) and they even got a picture of me in a jester's hat.





After that, they ate and I slept. It was a very tiring day! Despite knowing that tomorrow was going to be the last day, I didn't stay up and socialize with the humans. I was tired! So I didn't do much. That aeronautical acrobatic display at lunch wore me out! Don't judge me until you're flown 10,000 miles in my feathers! OK, now I'm cranky. I'm going to sleep. See ya tomorrow.

Benny the Nazi Chicken

Benny: Um, John.
John: (Ignores Benny)
Benny: (pecks on John’s shoulder)
John: (brushes off Benny) Not now. I’m busy playing a game.
Benny: (pecks harder on John’s shoulder) Listen to me!
John: (quits game and looks at Benny) What?! I was winning that game!
Benny: You haven’t updated my blog in a while.
John: I know. I’ve been meaning to get to it.
Benny: Well, I think you should write something.
John: I will.
Benny: When?
John: Soon
Benny: How soon?
John: Soon, I said.
Benny (pecks on John’s ear, drawing blood): Listen to me! I had fun on my many excursions and I want everyone to know how much fun I had. I would write about it myself, but you have fingers, which is a lot quicker than my “hunt and peck” method. So you will write about my experiences NOW!
John: Fine. But don’t think this is over. Should I write about our weekend at the Highland Games in the Q.C. or continue the saga of our getaway to Chicagoland or the Wild West.
Benny: Yes.
John: That’s not an answer!
Benny: (with scary eyes glaring at me, wings spread wide for scary dramatic effect) It IS an answer! You will write about all of them.
John: OK
Benny: NOW!
John: I said OK. (mutters to self) Chicken Nazi.
Benny: What was that?
John: Nothing. I’ll finish the weekend in Chicago, just because I’ll have one excursion done. Then I’ll write about the QC Highland Game experience. Then I’ll continue the Wild West. Man, you’re worse than Kathy and Ellen!

My weekend with Anya, Calvin, Ryan and other "larger" people! - August 8th (PM)

Day 1 (PM) - After visiting with the various animals in the morning, the humans were getting hungry. They decided to eat at the Flamingo Cafe. I seriously hope none of my cousins were in the "chicken fingers"! I doubt it, because I don't remember them having fingers.


Anyway, I went with John and Calvin to find a table for all of us to eat at. Eventually we found one big enough for all of us to eat at. I was all ready to sit down. That was when Calvin swooped in and took me for a ride.






By the time the food came, I was worn out! Thank goodness he found a monkey to play with!





Of course, when the food came, I didn't get anything to eat! Apparently I'm on a diet - would've been nice to know! Although, part of me was glad I didn't eat at the zoo. Who know if the "chicken" was really chicken, or if it was penguin or flamingo! I would've been a cannibal!


So lunch was completed and then we headed out to wander about the zoo. I got to be in a picture with my cousins Val and Velma Vulture:





They're very shy, so you may not see them. But I was told by Busta/John that the picture would come out, so I believe him! Silly me!


We wandered towards the African animals and saw giraffes and elephants and other 4-legged creatures. Miss Anya helped me get an aerial view of them:





But again, my poor little wings are not used to all that flapping, even if it was with the assistance of the lovely miss Anya. So I had to take a rest:






But that was when I spotted the nice lady on the other bench. She was sweet; she even let me lay in her lap!











I didn't appreciate the young lady who tried to snatch me from her lap. I didn't even recognize her! I know Busta/John and Michelle explained what was going on to her mom, but I still felt the disapproving disbelief emanating from that woman's pores. Get a sense of humor, woman!


After that interesting pitstop, we stopped off by the polar bears, the seals, the peacocks, and the camels. I almost got to ride on a camel!






After seeing all those animals, I was definitely ready to go home! And so were all the grown-ups. The little ones were getting sleepy, too. We took this time to head on home. But first, we had to get a picture to commemorate this momentous occasion:











And then we all piled into the minivan and went home. We let the little ones sleep and then we had dinner. And they actually let me eat! It was only 1 cookie to pectk, but at least I got a drink to go with it!

After watching the Olympics swimming finals with the adults, I went to bed with visions of winning the gold medal in flying. I know I can win it!! Tomorrow is the Renfaire. Woo-hoo!

Benny in the news

My weekend with Anya, Calvin, Ryan and other "larger" people! - August 8th (AM)

Day 1 (AM) - Today (August 8th) I was awakened by numerous sounds: snoring from Busta/John and raucous laughter from children downstairs. Eventually Busta stopped snoring, woke up and went downstairs. I went down with him to see what the ruckus was about! Well, the kids were awake, including Mr. Ryan, who I didn't get a chance to meet the night before. They all had breakfast (again, none for me! Just toss me some corn -- I'll eat it!) and then it was time to get ready. For the ZOO!!! I can't wait! But first, the "larger people" had to get ready. This gave me plenty of time to play with the children.

Me with Mr. Calvin:

Me with Mr. Calvin and Mr. Ryan

Me on Mr. Ryan's head:

Me on Miss Anya's head

Me on Busta/John's head:

I didn't realize how many heads I was perched on! I must say, though, that John's head was the worst to sit on. Too much like hay, which is very scratchy. Not soft and downy like Miss Anya's or Mr. Ryan's heads were.

Anyway, the kids even let me fly for them. I almost got caught by Mr. Ryan, but I'm very quick and not so easy to capture.

I was going so fast that I was a blur in the picture! It was so much fun!

Eventually we were ready for the zoo. They were going to let me ride in my own seat:

Alas, I didn't get to have a comfortable ride for the whole time, as one of the "bigger" people needed that seat! Thankfully Miss Anya gathered me under her wing and took care of me for the whole ride to Milwaukee.

It was a beautiful drive. I saw fields as far as the eye could see. Did we stop so I could play with the cows and other chickens? No. But, for once, it was OK, because we were going to the ZOO!! I would get see all of my friends and we'd have lots of fun. I couldn't wait.

What, we're here already? But I didn't pay! It's free for chickens to get in? Really? Well, as long as they don't keep me, I'm OK with that.

The minute we entered the zoo, I knew it was be a glorious day. There were signs for elephants, and giraffes, and penguins, and polar bears. And wouldn't you know it! The first animal we saw were the flamingos!

I think Pinky and Rose, my 3rd cousins twice removed, were there, but I never knew them very well, so I can't be sure.

Before lunch we saw a gorilla carrying straw on his back, swinging spider monkeys, and a penguin who was staying cool by walking through a streaming fountain in his enclosure (lucky guy!)

Stay tuned tomorrow for pictures from lunch and other assorted pictures of Day 1 ... I'm getting tired and must go to bed to rest my "peepers". I promise to write tomorrow!